In the past couple of weeks, I've learned that a formerly close friend has died. We had completely (and rather intentionally) lost touch over the years, but it was still sad news to receive.
I learned that she had fought deep and dark depression in her life, and wrestled with severe drug addictions. Also, I found out that she and her brother were sexually abused by their father.
I never had anything much to do with her brother. He was older enough than us to not hang around "little girls" on principle, even beyond normal sibling disdain. And I remember spending a tiny amount of time with their father only once, maybe twice.
I don't know what to do with all this information. I don't know now, and I certainly wouldn't have known then. Her family seemed stiff and weird to me at the time, but whose parents didn't seem suffocating and uncool to their friends? Though our friendship ended with an acrimonious thud, I am profoundly sad for her. And for her brother, who bears witness to all of this by himself now.
There can't be a single family that is, inside, exactly what it shows The Outside. For some, the differences are minimal, trivial. For some, at the other end of that long and painful spectrum, there is nothing at all connecting the two, except the number of family members. My friend's family wasn't wealthy, but it was certainly comfortable. Not prominent, but prestigious. And this rot was in its center. And none of us knew.
If I could smooth our differences over, and if I had a chance to see my friend again, I would apologize. What her life was was not what she deserved.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry Twinnie. There is just so much to process here, on top of everything else. Be gentle with yourself. And I think there may be a little giftie heading your way to bring some light.
I'm sorry to read this. You really never do know anyone else's life.
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