Regrets

Today has been almost unbearable.  The physical pain has been the worst yet.  I am sad, and lonely, and still consumed with knowing that Finn is still alive, and I could just go pick him up and bring him back home.  And then his claws would be clicking on the floors, and he'd be barking at every little sound, and putting his face up to mine when he knows I'm cryng.  Like right now.

There have been a lot of animals in my life, but I've never had one's story go this way.  If it's torture for me, how must he be feeling?

And yet, I have to have him euthanized when his 10 days are up.    He was biting me more regularly, and with increasing anger.  He didn't bite me Monday --- he attacked me.  The wounds are deep and painful.  The nerve damage to my hand and fingers is most likely temporary;  still, I can't do anything with my right hand right now.  Which means s lot of time that I would be knitting, or doing just about anything, is spent staring out the window and obsessing over everything.

And you get to read about it.

I'm sorry.