Several weeks ago, my therapist "assigned" me the task of leaving the house every day. It was to at least get me out of bed and showered and interacting with someone --- however briefly --- instead of staying secluded day after day after day.
I must admit, it's difficult to find places to go every day. I'm not much of a window shopper, and there aren't that many no-money-required spots around here. I will also admit that I haven't gone somewhere each day. But I'm sort of making up for it with a trip to a beach next week. After over a year of pinching and squeezing pennies, the insurance money from Mama's life policy has given me some breathing room. And I'm being wholly, entirely selfish by giving myself a 4-day vacation. It may be wasteful and reckless, but I am looking forward to it and counting on it making a difference mental-health-wise.
Otherwise, I've had one more drug added to my regimen, and my psychiatrist and I have begun discussing the possibility of electroconvulsive therapy. It's scary. And it may be just what I need. But, like I say, we've just started thinking about it. He isn't even sure if any hospitals in the area provide it anymore.
Back to the trip. As all knitters know, the most challenging part of packing for a trip is deciding which project(s) to take with you. I'm not quite there yet, as there are a few days between me and leaving, but knitting and reading* are going to be my main focuses. Sure, I'll take a lot of beach walks, but my absolute ideal/dream/longing is just to sit on a balcony, or an open window and look at/listen to the water.
If that doesn't point me toward Healing, I'm completely out of ideas.
*Currently on "F": Stephen Fry's The Fry Chronicles.
1 comment:
I had a bout of -- well, it wasn't quite strong enough to be postpartum depression, but definitely fell into the "bad baby blues" category after Ian was born, and getting out of the house was absolutely the most important thing for me to do. It was difficult, especially after Jim went back to work, but it did wonders for me and I could really tell a difference on days when i didn't manage to do it. I hope it helps you, too.
And yes, there is nothing more rejuvenating than the beach. It always soothes me, I think partially because it's just so *constant*, you know? No matter what is going on in the world, or in my life, the waves keep crashing and the tide keeps moving in and out, just as it always has and just as it always will.
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