My Heart Hurts

Riley being gone is really hitting me hard.  I haven't lived without a cat for forty years.  Yes, I have Tap, and he is a gem, and I'd be in a more hellacious place if it weren't for him.  Cats be entirely different, though, right?

The night before last, Riley started pacing around like she was lost.  She strayed from the paths she'd made and memorized.  Tap would find her in odd places and would start "alarm" barking.  (I'm watching him for signs of grief.)  Things were clear.

So I took her to UGA, which is where I went with Madeleine.  Same faces at the front desk.  Same couch I sat on with Madeleine, with Riley wrapped in the same pink sheet Maddie was.  Same procedure, same Comfort Room, same outcome.

Maybe it was the sameness of it that's gut-punched me.  Maybe it is thinking about Riley having been Mama's.

It's just hard.