My son and I share a therapist. She promises that she feels no divided loyalties. If anything, she gets both sides of issues that involve the two of us.
A couple of weeks ago, both he and I were in the throes of Negativity. My session was scheduled for that week; he had a full week before he was to go in. I got in touch with our therapist and told her to see him during "my" hour. That was going to mean not seeing her for over a month for me, but he needed it more. When I did get back in, she acknowledged that the extra session was good for him, but she worried that it was bad for me. My reply was that he was more of an "emergency," and that my race is run.
My race is run.
He has a long, full life ahead of him. As does my daughter. Please, please take care of them, because my race is run.
That is most emphatically not an expression of suicidal thoughts. I've been suicidal, and this is nothing like that. It isn't resignation. It isn't self-pity. It's that my children need to be prepared for all that their lives are going to bring them, good and bad. I want them to have tools, to have confidence, to have hope and faith as they move ahead. My years are fewer. I've been gloriously happy and so scared and lost that getting through another hour seemed impossible. I've done lots of things, and I plan to do a lot more. Things aren't over, but my race is run.
2 comments:
Kim. I get it. There comes a time when we need to regroup . Redirect OUR lives. In doing so , we free our children to grow up. Go forth strong in your resolve to live YOUR best life.
My race is largely run, too. I celebrate that by using my prescription cortisone cream wherever I itch -- including my face -- and not worrying about the skin thinning that it causes with long-term use. (We each celebrate our long-running race in different ways.)
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