Friday, November 8, 2013

Yes

26.  YES
Unfortunately, it's been mostly "no" around here for the past couple of months.  No energy, no motivation, no purpose, no results from either medication or therapy.

Everyone's lives, ideas, concerns, stories, questions come before mine.  When I begin to speak, people don't look at me --- they look at their computer or their phone or their watch or something on a wall.  When I stop talking (usually withing 10 seconds of beginning, because I see what's going on), it takes them a beat or two to realize I've even gone quiet.  Then there might be a "Hmmmm" or a "Yeah," which demonstrates that they heard not word one.  If I get the occasional, "I'm sorry --- what?"  I'm too disheartened to repeat myself.

Yesterday, I was ready to have a come-to-Jesus therapy session, full of tears and helplessness and the story of how, when slicing bread for toast in the morning, the thought of pulling it across my throat jumped into my mind.  Before I got very deeply into the story, but was crying buckets, her phone rang, and she had to go.

I'm used to getting pushed to the back of everyone's line.

1 comment:

  1. She took a call and had to go? How does that happen??? I'm so sorry that happened to you. Is there anything I can do to help?

    ReplyDelete

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