It struck me at some point over the weekend that most, if not all, of my headaches and knotted stomachs and a good deal of my depression has come from temporariness.
Since I last worked, in December, 2010, every aspect of my life has been unsettled. My mother's health. Her death, and having to deal with the estate. Being unable to find a job. Problems with my children's lives. Them moving out of the house, then in. Finances. All of these issues have been ongoing, without any ends in sight. I've been saying that it feels as though my life has flown apart into pieces, and those pieces are just circling my head. I can't catch any of them and put them to rest. Or think clearly enough for long enough to try and make sense of them. My life has been, still is, up in the air.
And although I still have no idea how to deal with all of it, it's comforting to understand it a little more.