Thursday, May 24, 2012

Control

A few years ago, a friend of mine asked me what my son wanted to do, career-wise.  I told her he wanted to be an actor.  Her reply was, "And you're going to let him do that?"

The question made me feel simultaneously surprised and sad.  Surprised that she thought I would (or should) have dominion over my son's job choice, and sad for the three children she has who were obviously heading where MOM wanted them to go.

As much as I adore my children, as aware as I am that I gave birth to them and raised them, I have never, ever thought of them as "mine."  They've never been my possessions.  They've never been mine to pour into a mold of my own making.  They've always been people.  Two very different people.  I doubt either would have bent to my will.

My daughter has begun to get tattoos.  She has one on her wrist, and yesterday she had text and flowers inked across her back.  She also has sketches and ideas for --- this is strictly a rough guess --- half a dozen more.  

I have a tattoo, which gives me a wee bit of legitimacy when discussing the topic.  I don't want her marked from neck to toes.  I don't want her doing something now, at 19, that she, at even 25, might deeply regret.  And yet, these aren't my decisions to make.  I've explained my position to her, and she has listened, and that's really as far as I can go.  It's her body and it's her money.

Wonder what my friend would think of this development?


2 comments:

  1. so refreshing to read. I too let them do as they wish. THey are not MINE to control or push towards anything. My father pushed us all to be feathers in HIS cap. Not our own. I think the tattoo is lovely. Let them be a reflection of themselves, not us. Heaven forbid they be just ilke us

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  2. Her son is going to have so much to live up to.......a mother's expectations can be so crushing. /wink

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