Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Swirling

My daughter moves to Atlanta Sunday.

My son's girlfriend leaves for a two month trip to Paris Friday.

They are both stressing out, and I don't have the energay to help either one.  My reserves are gone.


Sunday, May 26, 2013

State

Most bloggers don't blog because their lives are so busy.  I haven't been blogging lately because there is nothing going on in my life.

I sit on my bed day and night, watching movies on my laptop, knitting, playing computer games.  I get up to take out the dogs, get something to drink or get Hannah to or from someplace.

I shouldn't even call it a "life," should I?

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I Love Fozzie



Fozzie figure from Hannah's trip to NYC and New Jersey.


Fozzie Bear yarn from Another Crafty Girl on etsy.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Flat Affect

Look at alll the good things going on around me, and yet I continue to be miserable.





Thursday, May 9, 2013

If You Have A Few Minutes to Read

You will find out precisely what my life is like in this hellish pit.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

Particularly sharp truths in my case:

But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there's a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck.

Which leads to horrible, soul-decaying boredom. 

I tried to get out more, but most fun activities just left me existentially confused or frustrated with my inability to enjoy them.

it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things — and you're horribly bored and lonely

It isn't always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn't even something — it's nothing. And you can't combat nothing. You can't fill it up. You can't cover it. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything.

It's a strange moment when you realize that you don't want to be alive anymore

I haven't reached the rainbow ending yet.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Still

The deepest depression makes you wonder why you should get out of bed in the morning.

The kind of depression I have makes me wonder why I even continue to wake up.

Henrik

Your mom is not alone, honey. And, oh yeah, he has a twin brother.