Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It is 11:57 PM, I have taken SEVEN Klonopin, and sleep is not in sight.  That is double the dose I am supposed to take.  I'd take more, but that seems a little dangerous, and I am so awake now, I doubt it would help.

I am angry, and I am in pain, and I want to lash out at people in my anger, and I want them to hurt like I hurt.  Because they don't seem to care right now.  My son and I had a SCREAMING telephone call this afternoon, and I'm willing to bet when it was over, he went back to playing video games or whatever he was doing and never gave it a second thought.

My daughter spent all day in her room, until friends came to take her our for pizza.  We've said maybe 8 words all day.  I've got plenty of things I could yell at her.

Why am I so angry?  Where is this consuming rage coming from?  I just want to smack everybody down.  I'm being cruel to our pets, I'm throwing things --- I don't have any control.

I lost my mind once this year.  Is it happening again, only in a different way?

2 comments:

  1. Just hang on. THey say Depression is anger turned inwards...

    IM praying for you. You know you can be angry with God right? HE?SHE can take it.

    THe hoidays with their PERFECTION themes are hard to take > I counted someone saying PERFECT 3 times in the first 10 minutes of her show the other day .

    YOu have lost so much. I d be angry too....
    Have you ever thought of going to a MEDIUM? I might

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm thankful for you today, Kim.

    ReplyDelete

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