Since Hannah has moved away, I'm keeping really strange hours. Lily and/or Madeleine still wake me up at 7 AM to be fed, and I get up, only to take a long, wonderful nap from early to late afternoon. That makes it hard to go to sleep as early as I had to when I was getting up to take her to work.
But it means I'm awake right in what has always been my wheelhouse: late, late night. I am more energized (though "energy" has an entirely different definition in this Pit) and think more clearly at this time. I have good ideas.
But I also think black thoughts, and they seem darker at night. Like realizing I'll never teach again. Two years plus out of the classroom, I can't imagine anyone hiring me. And teaching is what I do, it's who I am. And, since I haven't been accepted for any other job in all that time, I don't think I'll ever be given an opportunity to be something else.