Thursday, May 9, 2013

If You Have A Few Minutes to Read

You will find out precisely what my life is like in this hellish pit.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

Particularly sharp truths in my case:

But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there's a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck.

Which leads to horrible, soul-decaying boredom. 

I tried to get out more, but most fun activities just left me existentially confused or frustrated with my inability to enjoy them.

it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things — and you're horribly bored and lonely

It isn't always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn't even something — it's nothing. And you can't combat nothing. You can't fill it up. You can't cover it. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything.

It's a strange moment when you realize that you don't want to be alive anymore

I haven't reached the rainbow ending yet.

4 comments:

  1. I truly hope you find your piece of corn soon. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. And what Bridget said too but also with the spraying of positivity. Because it's probably maddening and I can't help myself. Also if I convince you, it might be true for me too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kim

    Keep sharing your thoughts with us. Keep venting it is so important.
    I can pray for you and I will all day today! You are my prayer focus for today.
    Bless you and your journey and your family

    ReplyDelete

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